Dating for your Dosha

Single and ready to mingle? For those of you dabbling in the dating world, let me tell you from experience, it’s rough out there. There’s Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish, Match…with so many opportunities to meet your person, it should be simple, right? Hmm, not so much. However, there is hope. What if I told you there is a way that you could better understand what makes your partner tick? That there are tools to clearly translate your partner’s idiosyncrasies and proclivities? Behold, I give you the language of Ayurveda and the 3 doshas. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the 3 doshas, or biological humors, I will quickly get you up to speed. Ayurveda defines 3 archetypes based on the 5 elements (ether, air, fire, water, earth). We are all made up of the 5 elements, thus we all have all 3 doshas present in our physical and mental body. However, the proportions of doshas and qualities vary from person to person, making us all unique. Here’s a run-down of Vāta, Pitta and Kapha:


Vāta people have a predominance of ether and air. Like the wind, they move quickly, talk fast and flutter from idea to idea. These are the social butterflies, the woo girls/boys, the artistic folk, the dancers and dreamers. Due to the lack of fire element, Vātas tend to run on the colder side with a weaker digestive system. With no earth element, Vātas can easily  become ungrounded . Out of balance vāta shows up as insomnia, constipation, anxiety, irrational fears and mania.


Pitta folks are full of passion and drive, thanks to a good helping of the fire element. Pittas are often Type A’s that love to get stuff done. They are organized, direct, phenomenal leaders, sharp , witty and goal oriented. These are the folks running the Boston Marathon ever y year and keeping detailed running logs, did I mention they are competitive?  When the fires of pitta get too high, they are quick to anger, impatient, snarky, prone to acid reflux and inflammation.


Kaphas are cuddly love-bugs. Made up of earth and water, Kaphas are the most stable and grounded of all 3 doshas. They are calm and steady, rarely flustered. Kaphas are creatures of habit and are perfectly content eating the same breakfast every day for their entire life. They have big hearts and are full of love, compassion and are often the teachers, nurses or care-providers.  Out of balance, Kaphas can become lethargic couch potatoes. This can lead to depression, lack of motivation, weight gain and allergies. 

Now that you have a bit of information, let’s explore how VPK are in relationships. 

What to expect if you’re dating a Vāta 

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Excitement, spontaneity, change: With that extra helping of ether and air, Vātas are prone towards being like the wind. Plans come and go, they forget to call you back, lots of last minute changes, it’s all good.

Zest for life: Vatas are often oozing with creativity, so if you want to wow them, get adventurous with the dates. Try rock climbing, hitting an outdoor dance theater, sky’s the limit with Vatas.

Loquacious: There will never be a lull in the conversation with vāta’s enthusiasm, they can talk a blue streak.  Skip the movie theater, or venues that do not allow for discourse, opting for a picnic or walk by the water so that you can get to know each other. 

Inconsistent energy: Lacking more of the gross, stable elements, Vāta’s energy levels tend to wax and wane. Knowing this, whittle down the 5 hour hike and bring lots of sustenance, they are like little squirrels. 

Hypersensitive nervous systems: Vātas tend to be a bit more sensitive than Pitta and Kapha types. Loud noises, flashing lights, too much stimulus may all be too overwhelming for them. While hitting the clubs may be fun on occasion, be sure to antidote it with a warming ginger bath or an oil massage.

Light sleepers: Again, due to the fact that they are made up of the more ethereal elements, Vātas tend to be light sleepers. Perhaps they fall asleep and then are up buzzing around from 2-4am. Do not take this personally, rather help them create a bed time ritual that keeps them on track. Ear plugs, eye pillows, lavender, sleep machine are all great gifts for your Vāta bae. 

Cold hands, cold feet: With limited circulation, Vātas are the types that stick their ice cold hands on your lower back to warm them up. Be aware of outdoor excursions when it’s cold. Perhaps sit be a crackling fire and sip on mulled cider post snowshoe.

Anxiety: When out of balance Vātas can become  nervous nellies. Their eyes may start twitching as they become insecure and constantly question if they did something wrong. These emotions can be pacified with words of loving affirmation and reassurance that all is well.

Fickleness: In the beginning you may find that you have to make a hard sell for a  vāta type to go out with you. These are the social butterflies, they are thinkers and may become a bit distracted. Hold steady and persist. 

What to expect if you’re dating a Pitta

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Punctuality: Your pitta date will be on time, if not 10 minutes early. They have little patience for people that are not mindful of the clock. Prone to changing plans? Forget about it! 

Opinions: With a whip-smart intellect, Pittas like to engage in friendly bantering and debating. Perhaps taking them to see a highly controversial movie will spark a lively conversation. 

Hunger: Feed these people! With an abundance of the fire element, pittas tend to have incredibly sharp digestive fires. If your pitta date starts to get a bit cranky, get them some ice cream to cool down and feed that fire. 

Communication: Pittas are clear and direct with their language. Expect them to let you know exactly what’s on their mind. If out of balance, this may not have the sugar coating you crave, but forgive them, it’s just the Pitta talking.

Sun Sensitivity: Grab the SPF, because if you’re dating a Pitta, more than likely they have a tendency to look like a lobster after 20 minutes in the sun. Keep aloe vera gel, coconut water and cilantro on hand for these steamy days.  

Intelligence: Wildly intelligent, Pittas thrive on being surrounded by people with equally impressive minds. Though they can be set in their intellectual ways, on occasion you may have to outsmart them so that they see your perspective. 

Night Life: So as to not overheat during the dog days of summer, it may be better to engage in more cooling activities that involve shade and water. I highly recommend moon-bathing with your honey. Stretch out on a grass knoll and stare at the stars and moons to calm down the senses and mind. Better yet, full moon paddle boarding! Water and moon, so romantic.

Competition: Pittas love to compete, and are often pretty good at anything they set their mind to. If you’re looking for a running or gym partner, Pittas is your gal/guy. They can be extremely motivational and dedicated coaches. However, keep an eye on this competitive streak, for what may seem like a friendly pick up game of football could turn into WW3. 

Passion: Romance and sparks flying. These folks are ruled by fire and if there is chemistry, you will surely know it. These are the Romeo’s, the Mr. Darcy’s of the dating world…oh my! 

What to expect if you’re dating a Kapha

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Attentiveness: Kaphas have a tendency to be phenomenal listeners. They listen from the heart and make direct and compassionate eye contact. Know that they will be there when the going gets rough, and will be your rock through the good and bad. 

Slow Convos: Kaphas are known to speak on the slower side, whereas vatas are lightning fast yippers and pittas are clipped and to the point. Be patient with sweet kapha, and give them time and space to tell their life story. 

Comfort: They love their creature comforts. These are the folks that are loaded up with the coziest couches, mountains of pillows and fluffy slippers. Kaphas can easily get sucked into the sofa, so you may need to motivate them to get up and at em. Inspire them to try new things out of their comfort zone, hitting up a new restaurant or going somewhere exotic for vacation. Change is good for Kapha!

Good eats: Kaphas love their food, be prepared to dig in and be pampered with the most decadent bites. 

Slow and steady wins the race: Kaphas can seem to move at glacial pace, but this can be a life saver for those that live their life on fast-forward. Kaphas can help ground you. If you have a tendency towards spazziness, grab a kapha to anchor your racing thoughts. 

Go with the flow: It takes a lot to rattle a kapha. Plans get changed, flights get canceled, no biggie. While not speedy, their unflustered approach to life would make a Kapha a top notch partner on The Amazing Race

Freeze: When the going gets rough, Kaphas freeze. If you have the tendency to argue, know that kapha will probably not engage. They have a inclination to freeze and go inward when threatened. Make amends with a hug, words of affirmation or a slab of coconut cake. 

Commitment: Looking for a long distance relationship, or LDR as the hip kids say? Kapha is your dosha then, these folks are built for commitment and monogamy. Due to their slowness in nature, it may take a while for a kapha to reveal their true feelings. However, once that love has developed, it will be steadfast and loyal.

Consistency: Consistent energy and dependability. If your Kapha boo starts calling you at 7pm, this may easily become a habit. It is rare that a Kapha will act erratically, or in an unpredictable manner. If they say they will text you, you can bet your bottom dollar they will. 

Now what?

So now what? Should I date a Vāta, Pitta, or Kapha? That is totally up to you. I have not heard a consensus on VPK dating. Should a Vāta date a Vāta, or is it better to date a Kapha to balance you out? This can really go either way. Dr. Scott Blossom, a faculty member with the Kripalu School of Ayurveda, suggests that you date someone with the same constitution as you. This way you will have similar energy levels and habits and it’s more familiar. Other sources say to date the opposite to seek balance. Knowing the propensities and characteristics of the 3 doshas may help you navigate the waters of dating.  In the end, it really comes down to personal preference and chemistry. Happy dating!

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